When you were born

I can't believe you are already 7 weeks.  Well, actually you are like 20 weeks....but when I wrote this you were 7. Time has gone by so quickly since that night March 8th, the night before I went to the hospital to have my "baby extraction" as one of my besties would put it.

I remember giving the kids extra hugs and cuddles that night knowing that our family would change in the morning. I remember putting Tex to bed as my baby one last time knowing that he would look so much bigger to me when I came home with you from the hospital.

I think we stayed up till 12:30 or 1 in the morning making sure everything would be ready to go by 5:30 in the morning when we woke up to head off to the hospital.

I had been suffering from a TERRIBLE cold the week before you came. My lungs felt like they were on fire all day long. The only time I felt like I could breath was during the 10 minute steamy shower I would take a night. Eventually I let your Dad talk me into him buying a face steamer for me. I would sit watching Bones at night with Grandma and Grandpa Parker with my face breathing in the steam....I should have had someone take a photo for me.

And the 10 weeks before you were born, I had a broken foot. I still remember running out to meet my friend Melissa to go for our morning swim. I was running as fast as I could since I was late getting out of the house that morning. I tripped on the mud and fell right in front of her van. I heard the snap of my foot. I hoped it was my ankle, but when Melissa and I looked at my foot, we could tell it was broken. The next 10 weeks it was often quite hard to get around using a wheel chair and a walker, and sharing my belly with you inside it. The 1st week wasn't too physically uncomfortable, then suddenly you had a growth spurt. And it seemed you had one almost week after week. After 6 long weeks of being in a wheel chair or walker, I could finally put a little weight on my foot and use crutches.

Anyway, I tell you all of this, because as hard as it was to have a broken foot while being pregnant with you. I felt like it was something we went through together. You were literally the one with me every step and hop that I took. I felt like you were always in there cheering me on and pushing me a little further. I would often sit and just rub my belly, thinking about how exciting it was going to be when I finally would get to meet you.

So finally the morning of February 9th came, and your Dad and I headed for the hospital, with me still in my walking boot. I think we were supposed to have me checked in by 6 because my surgery was scheduled for 7. We got a little lost trying to find Labor and Delivery. My first nurse was nice. I remember her husband was in the military and that she had 3 kids herself, though her spacing between them wasn't so close. I always wanted to have you kids close together, in hopes that you will be better friends growing up.

We waited for what seemed like a very short bit and suddenly it was 7 already. My Dr. came in and I loved this Doctor. I felt like Heavenly Father had hand picked him for me literally. Before we moved from Hawaii, I could barely handle the thought of having to pick a new Dr. out of a hat. Though I was nervous to use my Hawaii Dr. for a 3rd surgery, she did do a great job helping me get Eden and Texton here to Earth. I'd pray every night that I would pick a good Dr. who could help me to get you here safely, and if possible allow me to have one more...just in case one day we decide to make you a big brother. ;-) Though, I have a lot to get used to having 3 kids. It feels like the more kids you have the faster time goes. Maybe time just goes faster the older you get, but I swear, the more kids you have the faster it goes too.

Anyway, finally I was being wheeled walking down the hall to my surgery. That was different. I'd always been wheeled, so it was definitely strange to walk to my own surgery. It made me really feel more empowered. Maybe that's what made such a difference with this surgery because I was really afraid to have you. I had been afraid of having you since the day I found out that I was pregnant with you.

But like I said, I felt confident and comfortable and blessed with the Dr. that I had found and was pretty sure everything was going to go all right.

I sat on the table and got my spinal block, and for the first time ever it didn't really hurt. The team got me all prepped for surgery and shortly after your Dad was in the room with me and it was time to take you out. Going through a c section for the 3rd time was interesting cause I knew exactly when they were getting to the grand Finale when you come out. I felt the same pressure and pushing I had felt before and suddenly I heard your voice for the first time gargallly at first an then loud and clear. (I feel like I should mention that I am typing this at 6:40 AM with you lying on my chest, it's so fun to snuggle you. I'm hoping you will sleep long enough for me to finish).

That first day or 2 you sure seemed pretty mad to have been removed from your warm and cozy home. I didn't recall hearing so much crying from my other newborns. I felt a little inadequate and was worried how I would handle having 2 kids and a fussy baby. But it seemed that after 2 days you were feeling more comfortable in your new surroundings and you knew I was going to take care of you.

You had several visitors the first day. Grandma Bonnie was waiting in my room when I came back from surgery with you. Breanna swung by during a break from school. She was the one who pointed out the dimple in your chin. Somehow I hadn't noticed it. It was probably the drugs they had me on. I was pretty loopy the first day and in and out of consciousness a bit.

Eventually Eden and Tex got to come see you. And I sill remember their little faces coming into the room bright, excited, and amazed as they could be and Eden in her high pitch voice saying ever so sweetly. "Hi buddy!" It was love at first sight. And they still are in love with you. It's been hard to keep them off you, but necessary to try to keep you healthy.

On Sunday we got to come home with you... in a snow storm. It was hard to imagine we had been in Hawaii just 3 short weeks before.

The kids were so excited to have us home, and like I said, that hasn't changed. I'm excited for us to spend this life together as a family. I'm so happy that you have a fun loving silly older brother who loves to be around you to touch your face and can't wait till you are old enough to play with him and a very sweet older sister. She loves to hold you whenever I will let her. She always remembers to put her hand sanitizer on before coming near you...well, 93% of the time.

We all love you so much. And of course words cannot say how much I love you, but maybe the many nights I am up with you and hopefully our lives together will show you how much we love you, our sweet baby, Eben.

Love forever,
Mommy

It's happening too fast

I've been feeling sad....I can't believe this girl is turning 5 next week. And starting kindergarten in a few months. I feel like so much is changing, way too fast.

Moving here has been hard. It's been great to be around so much family, but I miss Hawaii so much. I miss the days of taking my kids to the beach, I miss spending so much time with my kids. I look at friends blogs and think of how much time they spend every day with their kids, and I feel like I've just been getting through the days for so so long.

I guess a lot of that is to blame on having a new baby. I'm sad I haven't blogged anything for a long time. It makes me realize how much time has gotten away from me.

so, okay...my pitty party is over. I had a good cry and soon I'll tell you about some of the fun stuff.
( I wrote this like in April....don't worry. I'm feeling better now. I just decided to still post it for one day if I ever print a book out of this or something.  So, now my secret is out....All my days are not perfect.)

Catching up with my kids

I keep thinking I am going to have time to sit down for 10 hours one day and catch this blog up on the last year plus of my life.  I need to somehow come to the realization that with 3 kids, it is NEVER going to happen.  So write what I can when I can.  And I am not as verbally artistic as I wish I was. And for some reason I think I am waiting for that to happen as well before I pick up this old blog again. 

So, since neither of those will happen maybe ever, I'll just get on with it. 

Now, to talk about something that matters.  My kids. And they are growing up to stinking fast.  And it makes me excited, and it also makes me sad.  Just the other day I was walking through ShopKo, and passed the school supplies section. I felt my chest get tighter with just a little anxiety as I thought about my baby girl starting kindergarten.  Those kids better be nice to her is all I have to say.  I'm so nervous about the day she comes home with her first broken heart.

So far living in Utah has been pretty good to us.  We get lots and lots of chances to play with cousins and have already had a chance to visit with several Hawaiian friends.  It's really been great.  And knowing my own parents are just a 12 hour drive away is kind of nice.  If only they still lived up the street, I could say life here would be perfect....well, if my brothers and their kids were here too THEN life would be nearly perfect. And all my favorite friends that I have met in the last 30 years of life, THEN life would be pretty darn perfect.

So, I'll catch up a bit on these babies of mine.   Youngest to oldest. I can never get enough of this baby boy. He is just so sweet to be around.  I love to hear him laugh, and he loves to laugh and squak and scream as loud as he can.  He wakes up so happy every morning.  His bright face and big blue eyes are so eager to start each new day.  About a week ago he discovered his feet and he loves to reach for them.  He just about to roll over.  For about 2 weeks now he makes it a good 90 percent of the way, but he still hasn't flopped to his front.  That's ok. I'm in no hurry.  Just excited for him because he wants to be up and running with his brother and sister so much.

I love the way he smacks his lips and blows bubbles every time after he's done nursing.  Well, just about every time.  It's the cutest thing.  He's actually doing it in his sleep right now next to me.
OK, he just woke up.
And just as he woke up, his older brother walked out of his room from his nap.

So, TEX...seen below diving off the diving board.  Yes, he is crazy and fearless like that.

At this moment he's over there practically lying on top of the baby swing trying to give Eben hugs.  He loves being a big brother.  Constantly wanting to be by him and hold him.  Ever so randomly he'll bite him or just hit him.  Not my favorite moments.  But a good 70 percent of the time he's a pretty sweet older brother.  Just gets overly excited I believe cause he just starts acting all sorts of crazy. 

The other day I received a funny text and I laughed out loud. He looked up at me and said, "I like it when you laugh, Mommy."  It melted my heart.  Today we went to McDonalds after running a quick errand and split a treat.  Chocolate sundae.  He's a great date.  I love getting to spend time with my boy.  And there will be lots of it soon when this little lady starts Kindergarten in a few short weeks.



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  I can't even tell you. I am so not ready for this change to happen.  I'm really just not.  Hopefully I'll get used to it though.  Because, otherwise, I am going to be a basket case at the end of the first week of school.

Tonight I enjoyed snuggling next to you My Little Eden as you made up silly jokes before bed time.  Things that made absolutely no sense at all, but you sure thought you were hillarious.  And you were.  And I'm going to miss these days so much when you are grown up.  I don't know how you changed so quickly from my little baby to the girl you have become today.  I truly appreciate what a helper you are to me.  I loved teaching you how to fold blankets today, and then watching you and Tex try to fold anything you could get your hands on for the next 20 minutes.  And you are such a great baby sitter for me when I need an extra hand with Eben.  I still remember the day when he was just a few weeks old, and I asked you to hold him for me while I put Tex down for his nap.  I'd come out of the room every few minutes to check and make sure you were ok.  Anytime Eben got a little fussy you were able to calm him down.  And even got him to take a binky.  Something I was never able to do.  I went back in the room to finish Tex's story and nap routine, and by the time I came out I was pleasantly surprised to see you sitting there holding your baby brother sound asleep.  You have a magical way about you.  You are one spunky girl, and though you sass at time drives me crazy, I hope you keep your determined edge.  I sometimes secretly hate telling you that "no" is the final answer and there is no point to asking your Dad because I already said no.  I don't want to squelch that determination you have been blessed with.  Learn how to be determined for the right goals in this life, and I know you will go far.

The other thing I've enjoyed about you lately is hearing about your dreams when you wake up.  You are so excited to tell me.  I remember a month ago when you told me about how you almost drowned, but then a family of seals saved you and you got to swim around with them and how much you loved it.  Or the other night when you dreamed you were like Merlia the Barbie Mermaid.  And that you could breath and talk underwater.  You are a true mermaid at heart. You amaze me in the water the way you flip around, and the other day when you were jumping off the high dive.  And your crazy brother too.  You were a bit more graceful, and his crazy ways almost gave me a heart attack each time he bounced off the end of the diving board.  But, the 2 of you are fearless and make such a fun team.  I hope you will always be friends.

Well, I better get this posted.  It's 12:30. And I have a lot of sleep to catch up on.  I think I have dealt with puking kids for the past 2 weeks.  Many many many long and late nights scrubbing carpets, or just sleeping next to you making sure you made it to the bucket.  I'm not sure how, but you have both had your turn twice with the flu or some other stomach bug, and I have seen and smelled enough throw up for a while thank you very much.  Though Eben is a whole other story with his constant drewling and spit up.  But I'm not complaining.  I'd take spit up and puke everyday if I had to, as long as it meant I still get to be your Mom.

I'm looking forward to spending the day with you tomorrow.  And even though I don't wake up with the same eagerness and anticipation in my face as your baby brother, Eben, does....please know I look forward to each and everyday and little adventure I get to experience with you kiddos.  I love you so much.